I took a test on Saturday which was negative with a stark white space where the line should be. I was kind of bummed but also not really, because I really think I’m pregnant this time. LIKE EVERY TIME. Bleh.
I have no idea when I ovulated. I think it was Wednesday March 26. Which would have made Saturday 10dpo, and today would be 12dpo. I used my only test for Saturday, you might say squandered, so now I am waiting for more. Either Mr. Brightside will pick one up for me on the way home from work or I will get some in our grocery delivery on Tuesday. Either way, I am testing again soon if I don’t get my period.
It feels crazy to be this hopeful again but I am very hopeful. It also feels crazy to be this hopeful, calculating a due date, imagining life with a newborn… again … but in the context of my current life. What would it be like to have a newborn and 2+ year old twins? Because if everything goes well and if I am pregnant and if everything goes well and ptu ptu ptu, our due date would be in December/January, and the kids would be 27-28 months old (2 years and 3-4 months).
It makes me think like, do you think it would be possible to potty train early, or better to potty train later, considering the chaos. Or, would it really be that chaotic, because a lot of people with twins have said their next kid was much easier to manage (considering the previous experience is with newborn/preemie twins). Would I sleep in the nursery, or in my and my husband’s room, because our room shares a wall with the kids’ bedroom and they can hear loud noises. Or would they sleep through it, learn to sleep through it, like they’ve basically learned to sleep through my neighbor’s dogs and construction sounds…
Of course, the likelihood of me actually having a positive test, not knowing when I ovulated, not knowing IF I ovulated, is slim. Not to mention I haven’t been on the progesterone, which I did last time, though wasn’t sure it was totally necessary. Though I am on full thyroid replacement, so that is probably on my side.
Here are my current signs:
- Exhaustion. Caffeine is not touching this level of exhaustion.
- Saw a spot or two last week sometime, thought my period was coming, then nothing.
- Knuckles and joints popping like crazy. Which apparently is a sign. And not only a sign, but a sign Mr. Brightside remembers us looking up last time. I mean I can barely straighten my arm without my elbow popping, or stand up without my knees popping. I feel old.
- Memory/confusion issues. Walk into a room and forget why. Forget where something is, turns out I’m wearing/holding/it’s in my pocket. Shampoo my hair multiple times. Etc. I feel old.
- Various feelings in the uterus area.
- Peeing a lot, although I’m not sure if this started recently or if I don’t accurately remember how frequently I go to the bathroom and am confusing this for a sign.
- Wild hormone fluctuations and intense, general un-specified anxiety. Mostly manifesting in comfort eating.
I tested on Saturday because last time I got my positive on 10dpo, but then again last time I was pregnant with twins and my HcG was nuts. So I know to wait and see. And even if I get my period it is another triumph to have potentially ovulated so many times in a row.
And now I’m listening to my kids wake up a full hour earlier than they need to for their nap. Knowing that this evening is going to be rough without that hour of sleep they’re not getting. And thinking, oh, but I am wishing for more chaos on top of this…