Today I went to a mommy happy hour at a German biergarten. I get there and see five women, four of whom I have no idea who they are. So we do introductions, and some things seem off.
- They don’t know who I am… Usually people in our mommy club at least recognize my name because I post so often to the listserv, that and I have twins so I stand out. But, okay, I am not egotistical to think everyone knows me.
- I don’t recognize their names, and our listserv is pretty active. I knew there was at least one new person on the listserv so I thought maybe a bunch of other people joined and just hadn’t introduced themselves.
- I told one of the women the babies were born early, and she said “Oh but they’re like November sized now, right” and I was like “uh I guess…?”
- The women marveled at how “alert” Apple was.
- The one other person I knew mentioned her baby’s birthday was in November (I already knew that, because her baby was born a week past her due date at the end of October), and one of the other women said her baby was also born in November.
Finally, at some point, I said – are you the November mommy group? And they were all like, yes… I said, OH! We are the October mommy group!
Turns out we had all scheduled our mommy happy hours at the same time and place.
It’s not SO surprising because there aren’t a lot of places in the area that can accommodate strollers in the numbers that these happy hours tend to generate.
I really love my mommy club. I can’t express how important this has become to me. Last week I was feeling low and wanted to make sure I had plans this week, so I posted on the listserv that I was going to be at such-and-such place at such-and-such time (planned it for yesterday), and 5 other moms showed up to hang out. It was awesome. And the place I chose was 2 blocks from home and I still got all those people to come. I also happen to like pretty much everyone, and we all have cute babies, and share experiences and products and whatever. Many of them have come to the breastfeeding group I go to and have even seen me tandem nurse the babies, which is hilarious. We’ve seen each other’s boobs, either in the group or in public at the cafes.
It’s so much easier to be a member of the mommy club than to try to make plans with individuals. Everyone has infants so everyone is flaky. For a while at the beginning I was trying to make plans with my one friend that we already had when we moved here, but she is dealing with her own issues and it became impossible to meet her. And if I have plans with someone and they fall through, I tend not to go out, and not going out is BAD.
Sometimes I wonder if the babies aren’t getting enough stimulation because I’m going out to make sure they are napping. Or maybe we are making some bad sleeping habits. The thing is, they aren’t napping, and are therefore becoming extremely cranky. I need them to nap. And if going out makes them nap, as well as helps me feel human, I guess it’s a win-win. Although, I think if I had better fortitude I would stay home and try to make them learn how to nap. But I don’t. So we’re going out. But then I wonder if they’re playing enough, am I doing enough for their brains, or just making them sleep all the time and then having them follow me around the house when I do laundry or whatever.
UGH I CANNOT WORRY ABOUT THAT SO MUCH.
Anyway, the point is, I love the mommy group, where mommy brains collide.
You are just reminding me of how much I need to join a mommy group…I thought I’d do it day one, and here we are 10 weeks and no mommy group. And I stay home and R doesn’t nap, so you’ve got me beat – keep doing what you’re doing!
How did you find your mommy group?
My area has a mommy group for neighborhood moms, someone else I knew recommended it. I suggest searching online for your area, like “hope springs moms” or “hope springs parents” or whatever, maybe there is something going on!
OMG! I am the same way!! The days I’m home I loose my marbles…I just focus on the fact she isn’t napping and it is BAD! If I can go out and see girlfriends with young kids, they reinforce how I’m doing things right and I’m not alone in my parenting struggles. Plus, she will nap when I’m out (in wrap or on me) and I’m not eager to get shit done so I can sit peacefully and let her sleep in my arms for an hour…like you, its a win-win!
I second the question about how you found the group. I really need to find one…none of my friends here have babies. It’s so nice you can pack up and walk 2 blocks to be somewhere! I have to pack up babies and put the stroller in the car, drive somewhere, unpack etc. it’s a lot of work! I have yet to go somewhere alone with te babies. I go for walks alone but haven’t gone out alone. It’s so much time and effort I figure it’s not worth Coming home even more exhausted then I already am. You have to do what keeps you sane so if you like going out go! Your mommy group sounds awesome!!
My friend recommended this mommy group to me, but I bet if you search online you will find something at least reasonably close… There are so many moms! Or you could start something by posting on a message board? I think if my friend hadn’t recommended it I would have asked some people at synagogue if there was a group for new moms or something. Also, you could try baby and me yoga and see if any of those women know of mommy groups
I’m so glad you’ve found a community of women to support you! I am definitely going to look into joining one. How did you find yours? Is it expensive?
I love my mommy group too! It is a lifesaver