4, 6, 8 weeks
8 weeks postpartum today. I haven’t seemed to lose any weight in the last month as you can see from the picture at 4, 6, and 8 weeks. I may have gained weight, it’s unclear, or at least my belly isn’t going down! But my boobs are huge!!!
Thank goodness for huge boobies, they are doing their job it seems, except the last meal of the night she really struggles for. I’ve been drinking fenugreek tea even though I know my supply is fine, it’s *fine*, but every night the last meal before her long stretch she really struggles at the breast. So I wonder if it’s fine during the day but then totally tanks at night. Also Smushy prefers righty to lefty, last night I tried putting her on lefty and she flipped out and wouldn’t nurse. I switched her to righty and she went at it like a starving baby. I’m trying to nurse her on the left more, though, because it doesn’t produce as much as the right (made half as much milk when I pumped this morning!). I had a blister there so at some point I was favoring the other side and now it’s uneven, but I’m pretty sure that last time righty was better than lefty also.
I’m feeling pretty good, though tired. Last night she wouldn’t stop nursing until almost midnight, and then slept until 4:45. Obviously she is ready to stretch out her sleep but it is inconsistent as to when she is going to do that long stretch. It would be nice if I could figure out some kind of pattern but life is still going in random spurts and stops.
Emotionally I feel amazing. It’s so much different than last time. I feel so good. I feel bonded with my baby. I love holding and snuggling her. I miss her when I put her down (sometimes). I don’t get angry when she cries. I feel like I finally get to experience a little bit of mommy bliss that I was so jealous of the first time around when I was struggling.
I’m not getting any exercise which I think is contributing to the lack of weight loss. Also from 4-6 weeks was a junk food binge at my in-laws, so much cake and ice cream and cookies. So I am trying to be a little more sensible but at the same time food is my main self-care right now, so much easier to grab a piece of chocolate from the kitchen than find time (and energy) for a walk.
I did go buy some clothing yesterday to help me feel good about how I present myself to the world. I’m not hanging out with new moms all the time like last time, I have school drop off to worry about. It’s not a huge worry but I do want to look at least presentable for the other moms. I think I am succeeding somewhat. I’m trying anyway. It’s hard to get to school on time so I’m not seeing them for the most part anyway.
me nursing in the fitting room
She is just as cute as can be. I feel like what’s going on with her is so intermingled with what’s going on with me that I don’t even know what to write here. She’s lying on the floor as I write this, wiggling and kicking. She reaches for toys. She smiles. She kicks her legs over like she almost can roll over but she hasn’t gone over yet, and Banana seemed like she might also but never got around to it so my hopes aren’t high.
She takes a bottle, thank GD. My husband has been able to give her a bottle a few times when I have been frustrated early in the morning and I dump her on his chest and then go back to sleep.
Her sleep is still not organized but she’s only 8 weeks old so I don’t have high expectations for that either. My expectations for her right now are that she nurses from both boobs and makes poops and sometimes sleeps and hopefully sleeps at night. People ask me if she sleeps through the night yet. I don’t understand how you can ask someone that question. 1) If she slept through the night I certainly wouldn’t tell you because it would jinx it. 2) If she doesn’t sleep through the night you can tell. Don’t ask me about her sleep. At 6 weeks old my mom was asking me if she slept through the night, my response was SHE IS SIX WEEKS OLD! Such high expectations for a baby. Let’s just focus on getting her to not sleep on my chest all night, right? She’s sleeping in the crib now which is huge. So at least when I am in bed I am baby-less. But there are tradeoffs.
rolls for days
THE BIG KIDS
Apple and Banana are great older siblings. This morning Smushy was fussing on the play mat and the kids were hovering around my legs while I made breakfast and I told them to go make Smushy smile. And the left the kitchen and totally got her to stop crying. It was amazing. They really are very good big brother/sister. Banana is especially interested in her, which I think is great. I love the idea of them being friends. I never had a sister growing up so I wonder what that relationship is like. But definitely Smushy gives Banana enormous smiles.
Speaking of the big kids I have to go get them from school. Once a week I pick them up early and we go do something fun. Today we are going to the car wash (!!) and then going to make jack-o-lanterns outside. And by making jack-o-lanterns I mean they’re going to help me scoop out pumpkin guts and then I will carve them later, maybe tomorrow or Friday afternoon.
Life is as good as it gets, really. I feel amazing and so busy. Things are hard I won’t pretend this is all easy, it is very hard and I am treading water most days. But it’s good. It feels good.