A twin growth spurt is not Hell x 2. It is Hell x 3. Let me explain.
Banana began her 3 month growth spurt at around 3 1/2 months – so, roughly 2 weeks ago. She began by getting screamy, and hungry, refusing to nap, and whatever else you attribute to a growth spurt. Apple wasn’t doing this. So for two weeks, Banana seemed like she was going berserk and I had no idea what was going on, because for some reason I never automatically attribute extra fussiness to growth spurts.
Then, this past week, Apple began getting extra screamy. In the meantime, Banana has become extra hungry. Both are now refusing to nap. Oh, but they are not refusing to nap at the same time! Oh no! That would be too easy if they both took the same non-naps! No, one will go down for a non-nap, and have to continually be coaxed into staying asleep, while the other one is awake, and then they reverse. Or sometimes one will wake up the other during the non-nap.
Right now, I am in the overlap of two growth spurts. One is winding down while the other is cranking up.
This means AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT I HAVE ONE NEEDY, SCREAMY BABY AWAKE AT ALL TIMES OF THE DAY.
Banana is in the downswing and hopefully will soon become less needy and screamy. She is already getting better. But Apple must be attached to my body at all times or he is crying. Which makes it hard to also attend to Banana’s needs. And by all times I literally mean all times, including naps. From morning until night he is touching me in some way, except for brief periods during the day when he does nap on his own (30 minutes or less).
If Apple’s growth spurt continues on a similar trajectory, we are looking at another week to two weeks of his needy screaminess.
This means THIS GROWTH SPURT WILL EFFECTIVELY LAST 4-5 WEEKS.
According to the Wonder Weeks book, this is the Big Growth Spurt. This is the growth spurt that really makes moms crazy and depressed and anxious even with one baby – it says somewhere that if a mother has admitted to slapping or harming her baby in any way, it is usually during this growth spurt. And I am three weeks into it with still quite a road ahead of me.
I have contacted a couple of therapists, so hopefully something will be set up soon. Also I am seeing my endocrinologist to check in on my thyroid, and I am asking to be screened for postpartum thyroidits as well, since I was on thyroid medication before and during the pregnancy, but taken off of it two weeks ago (more on this later, when I get my results).
In the meantime, I am struggling.
It’s not just the weaning, which is also really hard as I have mentioned. But also the growth spurt on top of the weaning. And the potential thyroiditis thing that can cause postpartum depression issues and weight gain. And the insomnia, a new symptom! And being home alone again with the babies during the day. And the babies needing more attention because they are more interactive and want my presence more, but having completely completely opposite sleeping schedules that I am really trying hard to sync up but it’s just not happening. I have to take a baby with me when I go to the bathroom – every time! All day! Because someone is always awake and demands constant attention!
Sometimes I get so depressed and anxious. I think, I can’t do this, I am not cut out for this, I don’t want this anymore. I fantasize about being somewhere amazing, all by myself, for hours and hours and hours, with just myself to answer to. Other days I feel amazing and in charge. I am all over the place. But when it’s a bad day, it is a very, very bad day. My husband had to come home from work early on Friday, and he found I had essentially completely shut down and had become non-functional. Minutes after he walked in the door I wordlessly went to the bedroom and clocked out for at least an hour, and then did almost no childcare for the rest of the day.
I can’t wait until this growth spurt is over. This is certainly the hardest few weeks I have experienced so far. Even though the beginning few weeks were hard, at least the babies slept a lot of the time and we could generally force their schedules to sync up. These babies are becoming individuals and it is getting harder to get them to do what I need them to do for my sanity.
And, worst of all, when I get so emotional and angry and sad and fed up, they flash me a smile, and I get all gooey inside, and then I go … NO FAIR. THIS IS NOT A FAIR FIGHT.
I am looking forward to some time between growth spurts… and I hope it comes really, really, really, really, really, really, really soon.